Can I Exhale Yet?

The words I heard from the Drs at Middlesex Hospital spun around in my mind, over and over; like a broken record.

I felt the tears pour down my cheeks but the emptiness in the room was pronounced and cold to the bone. I needed my family more than ever yet the phone was hung up after the Drs told my family the news and they were nowhere to be seen or heard at this moment. I pleaded with everyone in the room to please let me see my family and talk this over with them. The response remained the same. No COVID test results no family in the room.

At one point I recall responding to one of the assertive nurses that clearly a size 7cm mass and 2 blood clots on my left lung. Along with large amounts of fluid surrounding my heart and my lungs was the cause of my inability to breath not Covid. Needless to say there was no changing any minds ….my family including my husband I live with would not be allowed near me.

In addition this hospital was unable to treat my need and I would now need to be transported to Hartford Hospital for treatment as soon as possible. An ambulance was arranged and off I went to Hartford Hospital again without seeing or hugging one family member through this scary ordeal. Actually, Middlesex called my family to tell them not to bother to go up to Hartford because Hartford Hospital would not allow them to see me either. Fortunately my family doesn’t accept no as a reality in cases such as this and they proceeded to head to Hartford Hospital where their mom and wife was holding on for her life and a moment to see and be with her family again.

I can remember the long ride up and once again being admitted into the emergency room to answer more of the related questions and continue with further testing. It was the longest day ever and I have never seen so many doctors as I did on this day.

This was the day my Team was formed to design a plan to work with my cancer. Overwhelming to say the least but I would soon understand the importance of this team and the trust I needed to have in their options for me. Upon entering Hartford Hospital I did succumb to a Covid test as it was the only option if I wanted to see my family again regardless of what God’s plan was for me this day. with in hours of taking the test my husband and son we’re given permission to briefly see me in the intensive care unit which somehow sealed my fate that I could make it through the night on my own, alone, to process how my life was no longer in my. hands and was now completely in God’s hands.

4 thoughts on “Can I Exhale Yet?”

  1. Lindsey Aduskevich

    ❤️❤️❤️ Hardest 9 days of my life. So grateful we were able to bring you home, Mom. Scratch that, so grateful you fought to walk out of that hospital and come home to your family. Cancer has no idea who they’re messing with. 🥊🥊

    1. We do have a fight on our hands and I have the strongest families between home and work to help me get through this. I am so blessed to have such a strong and loving group of friends and families. Thank you all everyone for all that you do for me.

  2. Laurie, whilst this is heartbreaking to read, – your words are your superpower. Please remember you have two families behind you – the one you created and the one you joined.

    1. You are so right Jane. My words are an important part of my fight with Cancer as they are my tools and my families are my supports that are stronger than I ever imagined they would ever be for me.

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