It tends to go unrecognized the amount of losses a person needs to prepare for when diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I witnessed my mom go through it all but until today could not fathom the real psychological and physical changes she had to work with on a daily basis.
The hardest part as I have stated in the past is the unknown date and time God will lift me up. How do you prepare for what you don’t know? My first reaction was to get EVERYTHING done right away. I called the lawyer and drew up my will. Made sure hubby was protected as were some of my favorite items. Whew! Thats taken care of. Went through so many clothes and got rid of them… some with tags and all. This worked great until I put on so much weight with Thyroid issues and could not wear alot of what I saved. Hmmm…
Hopefully we will clear this thyroid issue up sooner than later.
I own a Jeep which I love driving and mostly drive in the winter. It’s so fun to drive but a bit high to climb in and out of. I can still drive this beauty but for how much longer I do not know. A loss I will soon have to prepare for as I will have no choice but to sell it.
My Seebring convertible is my baby that I loved driving every summer. I have not been able to drive it yet as the battery is dead but I plan to pay what it takes too get it running and cleaned up for me to drive however many summers I have left before I prepare for the loss of this beauty.
Gardens have been my relaxation for my mind and soul for years. I have many gardens and some that are quite large. I thought I would be able to keep smaller gardens in my back yard. Instead I continue to struggle with the side effects of chemo unable a pull a weed to date. Tears fill my eyes as I watch the poison ivy strangler out my beautiful blossoms.
Time with my family is slowly being taken day by day as my family stays away to protect me with every sniffle and sneeze so I do not get sick. Although I greatly appreciated their thoughtfulness it has created more lonliness than imaginable. My family is my life and my life is slipping away. This is not to be confused with self pity as it may easily be interpreted as but rather more loss that is out of my control. Most losses involve material items but some are emotions and actions. I must learn how to adjust and accept they are over and soon to be gone. Today I was supposed to attend our work BBQ but was unable to due to a low grade fever as a result of chemo treatment last week. I could not risk getting sicker so I had to cancel my attendance. No problem you think… there will be more to attend… well tomorrow is never promised. One can never take for granted what they have today. Something I’ve learned
Let’s face it when you leave for heaven everything you thought was important becomes irelevant to allow a new life and a new chapter with God.