It tends to go unrecognized the amount of losses a person needs to prepare for when diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I witnessed my mom go through it all but until today could not fathom the real psychological and physical changes she had to work with on a daily basis.
The hardest part as I have stated in the past is the unknown date and time God will lift me up. How do you prepare for what you don’t know? My first reaction was to get EVERYTHING done right away. I called the lawyer and drew up my will. Made sure hubby was protected as were some of my favorite items. Whew! Thats taken care of. Went through so many clothes and got rid of them… some with tags and all. This worked great until I put on so much weight with Thyroid issues and could not wear alot of what I saved. Hmmm…
Hopefully we will clear this thyroid issue up sooner than later.
I own a Jeep which I love driving and mostly drive in the winter. It’s so fun to drive but a bit high to climb in and out of. I can still drive this beauty but for how much longer I do not know. A loss I will soon have to prepare for as I will have no choice but to sell it.
My Seebring convertible is my baby that I loved driving every summer. I have not been able to drive it yet as the battery is dead but I plan to pay what it takes too get it running and cleaned up for me to drive however many summers I have left before I prepare for the loss of this beauty.
Gardens have been my relaxation for my mind and soul for years. I have many gardens and some that are quite large. I thought I would be able to keep smaller gardens in my back yard. Instead I continue to struggle with the side effects of chemo unable a pull a weed to date. Tears fill my eyes as I watch the poison ivy strangler out my beautiful blossoms.
Time with my family is slowly being taken day by day as my family stays away to protect me with every sniffle and sneeze so I do not get sick. Although I greatly appreciated their thoughtfulness it has created more lonliness than imaginable. My family is my life and my life is slipping away. This is not to be confused with self pity as it may easily be interpreted as but rather more loss that is out of my control. Most losses involve material items but some are emotions and actions. I must learn how to adjust and accept they are over and soon to be gone. Today I was supposed to attend our work BBQ but was unable to due to a low grade fever as a result of chemo treatment last week. I could not risk getting sicker so I had to cancel my attendance. No problem you think… there will be more to attend… well tomorrow is never promised. One can never take for granted what they have today. Something I’ve learned
Let’s face it when you leave for heaven everything you thought was important becomes irelevant to allow a new life and a new chapter with God.
Very humbling to read this mom. It’s crazy how we store up so many treasures in this life, becoming attached to everything, only to realize that it all goes away when we die. Praise the Lord for the treasures we will have in heaven when it becomes our time.
Totally agree Chris. Soon I will begin a new journey with no material items required. Love you so much son.
I admired my mom’s strength that she had while she dealt with her tongue cancer. Not only couldn’t she eat, she had a speech impediment, that only a few of us could understand her. I would clean a wound that was left in her neck from a burn radiation left. A technician left her alone and the time went unnoticed, left a gapping hole in her neck that never healed. That hole had to be cleaned every 4 times a day . I was a junior in high school and learned nursing very quickly! It was a bonding time for us, every morning, noon, evening and night. Before this we had the typical teenager, mother relations that went on. Mom would cook meals for a huge family for the family and on Sunday’s was the biggest meal even though she could never eat she would could up a storm. This woman would still smoke her camel cigarettes, no filters,, and drink Sombreros til the day she passed. I think back when I’m cooking and think…..how the hell did she do all this cooking ??? LOL!! I admired her then, and I just truly , truly wonder how she did it and so much more for 19 years. She definitely didn’t have it easy.
Keep up the fight, keep those boxing gloves on Laurie. It’s not easy , this journey is a crazy one for sure, then throw covid in the mix like you needed something else, just isn’t fair. Im so sorry all these blocks come up that stop the parts of family visiting that you need. Soon, maybe the weather will be nice and sitting out can be an option.
I’ll keep you I’m my prayers as always. 🙏
Hello Bonnie..Thankyou so much for sharing this personal story with me.your mom was such a strong lady and back in the day her cigarette brand of camels gave that away. I love to hear of large family dinners ass they keep a closeness in a family that many families don’t have.She was very fortunate to have your love and commitment to help her through the 19 years. You must Al’s feel blessed that you were able to create the special alone time with her as special memories versus an obligation. You are a special person Bonnie an I thank you for all of your support.
OMG Bonnie.Thankyou so much for sharing and God Bless your mom and you for being such a big part of her care and support. She sounds like one strong lady…camels and all. We are strong when we need to be because that is how God made us and was the mom’s who raised is showed us too be.
Mom,
You’re right. We should never take anything for granted. It’s amazing how fast we can lose the things we love. Thank you for sharing all the things you experience. It puts life into perspective. I cherish every day I have with you and everyone else in our beautiful family. May the silly sniffles that keep us apart stay far away these next few months.