Today was a treatment day for me. My daughter Lindsey faithfully drives me to the Grays Cancer Center in Hartford every 3 weeks for the past year and a half. I start every treatment with a series of blood work and a meeting with my Oncologist..Dr O I call him. Dr O asks a series of questions as he reviews my records for any changes in the last 3 weeks. He answers any questions I may have and then we proceed to a treatment room which contains 3 reclining chairs for those receiving treatment to sit in as they wait for their bags of treatment to be mixed in the lab. Once the bags are are hooked up we sit until our bags empty in to our arms. Not going to lie it feels like ice running through your veins which is why they offer warm blankets to help us through our sessions. Our sessions vary from a half hour to hours based on Cancer type and treatment type. Mine are down to under 2 hours based on how long it takes for my blood results to come back so the lab can mix up my Kaytruda and and deliver it to my nurse to give me via IV. My veins are building up with scar tissue given all the IVs and blood work I get done on a regular basis. This makes it difficult to do IVs because my veins roll around now when they try to draw blood or put a IV in. This session Dr O brought to my attention an important factor that I need to think about and be very thankful for. He brought up that as my doctor he is very aware of individuals diagnosed with stage 4 Cancers around same time as I was. As he highlighted the point we have discussed in the past about me being 1 of the 20% who have survived this long considering the condition I was in a year ago. As a doctor he is aware of the other 80% that have since passed on since I was diagnosed. A reality hit I was not expecting. I felt so strange after he brought this up. I was not sure if I should feel guilty for still being alive or happy. I know one thing for sure, I am so blessed as is my family with each and every day we are fortunate to have together.
10 thoughts on “A Moment of Reality”
I would assume that you still being here is for multiple reasons. Two come to mind, 1, your lifestyle choices i.e. naturalpathy healthy eating habits, and 2, He’s not done with you yet.
It reminds me of this passage Paul wrote while sitting in jail in Rome while he was waiting to see if he would live or be killed:
“For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith, that your rejoicing for me may be more abundant in Jesus Christ by my coming to you again.”
Philippians 1:19-26 NKJV
Don’t feel guilty of God’s plan. That’s an all to common feeling that I suppose cancer survivors and veterans share. Why did they die and not me? A hindsight paradox that can’t be answered with human reasoning.
One thing for sure is we are certainly blessed that you are still with us and I am joyous that you feel fortunate and blessed as well. Even through our tribulations, God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. Love you.
Also, your survival has shown me more proof of the miracle healing of prayer than anything I’ve ever seen.
Thank you so much for showing us this passage Chris. You are correct and such a blessing to me. I love you so much and appreciate your support and your prayers. You are correct with veterans understanding the guilt.
He is not done with you yet !
Your journey is continuing, and that my friend, is a good thing.
Continue on and enjoy the moments ❣
Thank you Bonnie 💕 I pray my Journey continues and am so relieved I have Go o my side
It was an emotional day for sure. I think it is natural to feel guilty, but let’s not call it guilt. You are mourning the loss of lives. You may not have known these people, but you are attached to them because you have walked the same path. I’m so grateful you are the one who is here and I’m sorry for each family who lost their loved ones. ❤️
It is a miracle indeed. A blessed one that I am thankful for.
How are you Lady?
Thank you Bonnie. Hope all is well with you.